Anyone for pee and a threesome?

So, last Saturday night, Mike and I went to see Much Ado About Nothing at the National Theatre in London. It was a Christmas gift from his 'rents, who also took us out to an expensive French dinner. The show was incredibly funny, with some amazing performances by the lead characters. I've always found Shakespeare a bit difficult to follow, and it's been awhile since I read any (umm...high school maybe?), but I loved it and had a wonderful funny time.

Fast forward to about 4:30am Sunday morning. I am awoken by Mike saying "Mark? Mark, is that you?" I turn over and there is someone else in our bed. It's a male, wearing all black, and in the streetlight, I can see that his face is painted...blue? The intruder harrumphs drunkenly and curls into a ball at Mike's feet. Mike shakes his shoulders and continually tells him he needs to get out of his room. I'm still coming around, and can only think about what happens if he pukes? Then I worry that he's very sick so I ask him his name. "Leeeon," he slurs, and then flops over in the other direction, right next to Mike. I turn the light on. Mike picks him up under his arms, kicks him out of the room, and directs him upstairs.

Mike looks over at his floor and notices wetness. He says, "I really hope that he just knocked over a glass of water..." But there are no glasses to be found. Upon closer inspection, we come to the grim conclusion: Mike's room has been used as a toilet. Leon had seemingly been aiming for the standing lamp, and his piss had gotten all over some books, mags, my CDs, some of my shoes, my Yarn Harlot book and a very dear copy of 1602 by Neil Gaiman. We spent the better part of an hour mopping up piss with toilet paper and then mopping up some more. We moved most of the icky things into the kitchen and Mike put up a hilarious sign saying "Do Not Touch. Stuff Has Been Pissed On. (Yes, I ended with a preposition.)" Then posted a very civil note on Mark's cupboard. Then it was off to bed.

In the morning, I heard Mark yelling for Leon to read this note. And Leon was shocked and apologetic. He was truly sorry, which was good. I didn't want to have to get all passive/aggressive on his ass. Later on after we got up, Leon apologized profusely to us, and promised to pay for anything that was damaged. I told him he was lucky that he aimed where he did. Mike has fancy music equipment strewn around his room--a swing in any other direction would have had dire consequences. Mark told us later that Leon said he's prone to sleepwalking while drunk, but this is the first time that he's missed the can so utterly completely.

If we were into threesomes and golden showers, it would've been perfect. But we're not. It does make for a very good story though, so I'm thankful for that.